The Phantom of Oz, Installment #21
And true crime, bunny-style
Hello! As most of you know, I’m serializing The Phantom of Oz here in a bit of an experiment. Once a month, you’ll still receive the “regular” Slightly Silly News. If you missed earlier chapters of Phantom, you can find links to all of the earlier installments here.
It’s my favorite holiday: bunny season!* The time of year when all the wild bunnies come out of their warrens to scamper on the grass, eat all my early flowers, and freeze stock still on the road in front of my car lights. Actually, I don’t mind them at all. I LOVE bunnies. You can have your doves with olive branches in their beaks, to me, bunnies mean peace. Also love and spring.
But since I have a mystery/crime brain, today I bring you bunny crime stories:
Grinch-y Bunnies
The Hutto, Texas Police Department issued a public service announcement in December 2023, warning holiday decor aficionados about “rampant crime sprees” by the native bunnies:
“They (the bunnies) commit seemingly random acts of vandalism while besmirching the reputation of our local youth,” the department said. “If you have light strand decorations at or near ground level the destructive and vindictive hare will 100% bite clean through the strand, usually at the least convenient spot.”
A Run-of-the-Mill Criminal Bunny:
And a Crime Fighter:
B9 Hopps was welcomed to the Spokane Police Department’s K-9 unit on April 1, 2018. The tweet announcing the new police bunny included the hashtag: #badbunsbadbunswhatchagonnado.
Happy bunny season!
*It is also coyote season, but that does not warrant a holiday. At least not for bunnies.
Chapter 16 (Part One)
Surely There Should Be Some Limit to Hypocrisy and Lying!
Why was Logan’s goodbye so abrupt? Was he still upset about what might have happened with the runaway? I decided not to worry about it. My head was already too full of worry; in fact, I fretted the entire way to Good Sam, where I was picking up Candy. I was anxious to see my friend, but I didn’t know what to expect from her. Or me. My feelings were so tangled: I was worried, mad, nervous. I tried to think positively about our friendship, but instead I just ached for what had been. So I was relieved when I saw Candy sitting on her bed, because I felt something new. Tenderness. She looked so fragile.
“Hey, girlfriend.” She smiled when she saw me, her face lighting up. “I am so ready to be out of here.”
Candy was dressed in her street clothes: a tank top and yoga pants. She pulled on silver go-go boots, the only bit of her costume she’d been wearing during rehearsal. “Thank God they were repairing both my costumes,” she said. “Or me and my space age miniskirt would have been flashing those poor firemen.”
“They probably wouldn’t have cared. Though they might have taken you to sick bay instead of Good Sam.”
She stood up and grabbed her purse from the side table. “Matt’s got you watching Star Trek, hasn’t he?”
“Um...” There it was, the Candy-Matt thing.
“Hon.” She linked an arm through mine. “I’ll say it again: I’m happy for you two. You’re good for each other.” Ooh, an opening. Should I ask about her and Arrestadt? No. Candy’s roommate was pretending to read a magazine but kept glancing over at us instead of turning pages.
“Bye.” Candy waved at her as we left the room. “Y’all take care now.” We were just barely in the hall when she whispered, “Omigod, that woman talked in her sleep like nobody’s business. Mostly she was yelling at somebody she called Buster, things like ‘Buster, you get your fanny back here right now,’ and ‘You are asking for it, Buster,’ and ‘No tuna fish for you, Buster.’ Must be her cat.”
We kept chatting as we walked to my pickup, and I relaxed. Maybe all we needed was some time to reconnect. The Wizard would be touring Arizona for a while still. I could see Candy while she was in Phoenix, maybe even drive down to Tucson for a day. Things would be all right.
And they were, for a few minutes. “Do you want to go to your hotel?” I asked.
Candy shook her head. “Not enough time before I need to be at the theater. You think we could hit a drive-through and get some French fries?”
Food. Candy wanted food. I was thrilled but tried to act cool. “Only if you let me pay.”
“All right, but mostly ’cause I know you’ll eat half of them anyway.”
I pulled into a McDonald’s parking lot and up to the drive-through speaker. “Large French fries, a Big Mac—that’s my dinner,” I said to Candy. Back to the speaker: “A large Diet Coke and...”
“Diet Coke sounds good,” Candy said beside me.
“Two large Diet Cokes,” I said.
Candy and I tucked into the French fries as soon as we got them. I tried not to think about why she was hungry, if it was because some drug was now gone from her system. I was just glad to see her eating. And drinking. Until...
“What did you just do?” I looked at Candy, but she wouldn’t meet my eyes.
“What?” She shrugged in the seat beside me. “I had to take a pill.”
“What type of pill?”
“Oh, lord, I don’t know. Something the hospital sent me home with.
Anger flared up, sharp as a knife in my ribs. “I don’t think so.”
“What do you mean?”
I gritted my teeth so I wouldn’t yell. “Hospitals don’t usually send you home with drugs. And I’ve been with you so I know you didn’tget a prescription filled.”
“Oh, that’s right. I forgot you were a detective now.” Candy’s voice dripped sarcasm. I recognized it as a defense, but it still pissed me off.
“I may be, but I haven’t been able to figure out what the hell is going on with you. Or us.”
Watch next week for Surely There Should Be Some Limit to Hypocrisy and Lying! (Part Two)
And if you haven’t read the first four books in the Agatha-nominated series:
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